After a few days of swiping this way and that on Tinder, I finally matched with what seemed to be a nice guy from down the country. Now given that I’m technically from down the country, I really didn’t hold this against him, and he mentioned that he was going to be moving towards the big smoke for work in the foreseeable future. We chatted back and forth about music, books and tv on Tinder, and eventually he asked if we could move it to WhatsApp.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I hate messaging in Tinder, I find it cumbersome and difficult to use. I also have notifications switched off so I never know when a message comes through unless I decide to randomly check it. I was all for moving to WhatsApp where I could emoji to my heart’s content and send random memes and silly pictures. I’m a big child at heart, and I think it’s important people realise this within a few minutes of chatting to me… otherwise they’re in for a big shock.
After moving to WhatsApp the first thing I noticed was that he asked me for a selfie immediately, now I’d been doing my research at this point and had realised that catfishing was an actual thing (I will definitely do some kind of glossary post for all the random words I’ve come across whilst dating! so I wasn’t that surprised. I was happy enough to reassure him that I wasn’t an alien or obese old man pretending to be a woman in her 30’s, however, there was no reciprocation. I expect that if I send a solicited selfie, I get one in return. But anyway, this wasn’t enough to set the alarm bells ringing. We chatted back and forth, and I was talking about how I was contemplating picking up a new tablet, and he sent me a picture of the one he used as a suggestion… he then followed this up with a comment about how he had to ‘double check he didn’t have porn open on it’ after sending the picture. I just put it down to toilet humour and laughed it off.
We had gotten into a conversation about how I felt that asking a girl you don’t even really know for nudes was totally inappropriate, and how when I’ve been asked before for them, I’ve sent a picture of an eyeshadow palette (I think it’s funny…) and quickly hit the block button. He agreed that it was totally inappropriate and commented on the desperation of such things! We continued to chat, and a bit later he straight up asked for porn suggestions. Now I’m not a prude, but I just thought it was a bit inappropriate to ask a girl you haven’t even met yet for suggestions, so I ignored it. The alarm bells had started to sound loudly in my head.
I stopped messaging back for the most part, cutting down the chats to just banal conversations about work and the like, and then, completely out of the blue he sent me an unsolicited dick pic. Now for any men reading this… don’t send your junk to random women. It’s not pretty and we’re really not interested in it. As a friend of mine said, what do you want us to do with a picture of it? It’s not here for me to do anything to, and it’s also really not that nice to look at! And that’s the feeling when it’s someone that you’re actually sleeping with and have seen naked already. As for someone who has never seen you naked, save that shit till you’re actually sleeping with them. A random erect penis is more likely to damage your chances of getting any rather than increasing them.
Anyhow, back to my first Tinder Match, he decided to send me a picture, which turned out to be his dick. However, the picture was so dark I could see nothing, and he immediately sent an “I’m so embarrassed, I didn’t mean to send that picture” message. So, being the kind (obviously gullible) woman I am, I reassured him that it was fine, the picture was so dark that nothing was visible and I had deleted it anyway as it wasn’t something I was interested in seeing…. so of course, he did the most obvious thing possible… he turned the lights on AND SENT ANOTHER ONE!!!
So not only did I receive one unsolicited dick pic, I received two, and promptly hit the block button. And in fairness, it wasn’t that impressive either. However, I didn’t let this discourage me from Tindering and dating, but it did help quell the rising panic that I was never going to get laid again! One look at that penis, and I’d lost some of my interest in them in general! The first Tinder experience taught me a few valuable lessons also;
- Many men on the site are just there to get laid, or cyber laid
- Dick’s aren’t pretty in any kind of lighting
- If someone just keeps asking for selfies, without any conversation, it’s a warning sign
- If there’s no suggestion of meeting up fairly quickly within talking to each other, he probably isn’t interested in anything other than someone to sext
I went off on my merry swiping way again, this time even more determined to avoid the creeping masses and inappropriate pictures, and I did eventually make it to a date!!